Sir Sabastion

 

Every Master sets his own requirements, expectations and rules for his boy or slave; these rules and requirements will vary from Master to Master or Daddy to Daddy, I am no different. I require a firm, memorized commitment from a prospective boy/slave for a long-term relationship (LTR). This is the commitment (statement) I expect from my submissive:

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SIR, i respectfully submit on my own volition, without prejudice or any duress that i am a gay submissive and as such, it is my personal desire to enter into a BDSM, Master and slave relationship and be dominated and treated as a boy, slave and Your personal property.

THEREFORE, i do henceforth acknowledge, recognize and accept You as my only Master and Daddy, to be owned as Your property and controlled by You as Your personal slave and property. i acknowledge that i will be permanently in Your debt for the privilege and honor of being Your boy, slave and property, and i shall exist henceforth, to the best of my ability, be Your total submissive and thus serve and provide for Your pleasures and needs, physically, mentally and sexually, to wit:

1. i willingly dedicate and surrender myself completely to You and Your love and care for me, whereas:

   1. i will always wear Your collar proudly, as a sign of Your total ownership of my mind and body, and my dedicated, loyal commitment to You, and i will clearly state proudly, to anyone who should ask, that it is Your collar and i am Your boy, slave and property;
   2. i shall always place Your pleasures and needs, physically, mentally and sexually, before my own;
   3. i shall always place Your personal comforts and desires before my own;
   4. i will live wherever and however You wish, and i will live according to Your established rules;
   5. i will make myself available for Your use, sexual or otherwise, or the use, sexual or otherwise, of whomever You shall direct or command me to serve, regardless of place, gender or time;
   6. i will always be humble and submissive in Your presence, and the presence of Your peers, and thus i will always stand, sit or kneel in a respectful posture, unless directed or permitted otherwise by You;
   7. i will never say or do anything to embarrass or discredit You and i will never question any command, direction or request from You when in public, or in the presence of other people;
   8. i will never lead anyone on, sexually or otherwise, or indicate verbally or by gesture, that i am available for dating, sexual or otherwise, or indicate anything beyond being totally committed to You as Your boy, slave and property; and
   9. i will never wear my keys or a handkerchief on my left side, or any other symbol that would or could indicate or be construed that i am anything other than a submissive and Your slave/boy, unless You direct or command otherwise.

2. i surrender my body willingly to You, as Your property, whereas:

   1. i will present my naked unclothed body for Your viewing pleasure or use, sexual or otherwise, regardless of place, time, personal embarrassment or humiliation, as You desire and/or direct;
   2. i will not protest or offer resistance to any use, sexual or otherwise, You choose to make of my body and i will endure any pain or discomfort You wish to inflict upon my body for Your pleasure, enjoyment or erotic stimulation;
   3. i will keep my body at all times in a proper and healthy condition for Your use and pleasure, sexual or otherwise, and will inform You, at the earliest possible and appropriate time, of any signs of illness or a condition that has arisen that will not make my body ever-ready for Your use, pleasure and enjoyment;
   4. i will never wear or apply to my body any anti-perspirant, deodorant, cologne, aftershave, perfume, fragrance or scented oils without Your specific permission and/or direction;
   5. i will never allow anyone to touch my body in a sexual, sensual or erotic manner, without Your specific permission or direction, and will inform You, at the earliest possible and appropriate time, of any person or persons that do so;
   6. i will never have sex or perform any sexual act with or for any person or persons, without Your specific permission or direction, and will inform You at the earliest possible and appropriate time of any person or persons that desire, or appear to desire, to want sexual contact with me;
   7. i shall never sexually relieve or ejaculate myself without Your direct and/or specific permission, regardless of my desires and/or urges to do so, and i desire that any sexual relief or ejaculation for myself come only as a reward after sexually pleasing and satisfying You; and
   8. i will not protest or offer resistance if You wish to alter my body, with piercings or permanent markings, such as tattoos or brands, and i will not, by my own volition, allow or cause my body to be altered by piercings or permanent markings without Your explicit instructions and/or permission.

3. In all personal matters, i surrender all decisions to You, whereas:

   1. i shall address You as "Sir", "Master" or by whatever title You choose to specify, at all times;
   2. i shall always refer to You as "Master" or "my Master" to others at all times;
   3. i shall refer to myself by whatever title or name You choose to specify, regardless of personal embarrassment or humiliation, at all times;
   4. i shall be respectful of others and shall address others as You direct me to address them, at all times;
   5. i shall never communicate, either written or verbally, or have any social contact with any person or persons without Your prior permission and/or consent;
   6. i shall at all times conduct myself as You direct or deem appropriate to the situation;
   7. when i am away from You, i will always receive Your prior permission for any behavior or activity, actual or contemplated, that is outside of my normal and permitted or assigned activities;
   8. i shall endeavor to always look my best in appearance in both public and private for You, to wit:
      1. i shall wear only the clothing or attire You permit, direct or approve of and will always dress according to Your wishes, instructions and/or directions;
      2. i shall never be seen in public with torn, tattered or dirty clothing unless directed or instructed to do so by You;
      3. in public, when i am not with You, i will always be clean and neat in appearance to give You pride in me; and
      4. i will immediately disrobe, as You command and/or direct, regardless of place, time. personal embarrassment or humiliation, and present my naked unclothed body for Your eyes, or those You wish to have see my naked unclothed body.
   9. i shall wear any sexual, bondage or restrictive devices, including chastity devices, regardless of pain, discomfort, personal embarrassment or humiliation, as You so direct, command or require;
   10. i shall only wear jewelry, including a watch, as directed or otherwise permitted by You;
   11. i shall wear my hair, including facial hair, in a style and length that You desire, and i will keep parts of my body shaved and hairless as directed by You;
   12. i will never drink alcohol or take any medication or any drug with out Your specific permission or knowledge;
   13. i will honor and respect Your wishes if You choose to have sexual contact, intimate or otherwise, with someone other than me;
   14. i will be open and honest with my feelings in all aspects of our relationship, and any feelings of anger and/or resentment on my part will be brought to Your attention at the earliest possible and appropriate time;
   15. i shall never lie or be dishonest with You, and my very thoughts will be to love, honor and serve You faithfully and make You proud of me; and
   16. i will always look to You as my sole source of acceptance in this world, and all that i do will be focused on You, to give You a greater pride in owning me.

4. i shall work only for you, and if i am permitted or allowed to have outside employment i will surrender all proceeds from my labors to you for our common good and well-being.

5. i acknowledge that, as Your boy, slave and property, You have the right to establish any rules, guidelines or assign duties, either written or verbally, either now or at a later date, that i must obey or perform without question or reservation, therefore:

   1. i shall always immediately and willingly perform all assigned duties and execute all of Your orders and/or directions, regardless of place, time or personal discomfort or inconvenience, cheerfully and without complaint or protest; and
   2. i will never willfully disobey any of Your commands or directions, or any rules or guidelines You set forth.

6. i understand that it is my obligation and duty to please and serve You faithfully Sir in any manner you desire or wish, and failing to do so, or worse, actively displeasing You, is grounds for punishment; thus i acknowledge that You have the right to administer punishment to me, in any form or manner You deem appropriate, for any disobedience of You, or others You my direct me to obey or serve, or for any failure by me to please and satisfy You completely, therefore:

   1. i will humbly submit myself willingly for punishment, at the earliest possible and appropriate time, or as directed by You; and
   2. i will accept any penalty, discipline or punishment you assign or dispense, regardless of pain, discomfort, duration, personal embarrassment or humiliation for my disobedience or failure to please You.

   And i further understand and accept that if i should not submit to or accept any punishment You deem appropriate or at the time and place You deem appropriate, shall be:

   1. adequate and acceptable grounds for You to terminate my servitude; and
   2. adequate and acceptable grounds for my immediate removal from Your/our domicile.

7. i will always be true to You Sir.

Bondage Introduction

Bondage can be a really amazing thing. Most of us are used to our freedom and when it’s taken away, all kinds of things happen. Suddenly, we’re at someone else’s mercy (if the bondage is real). If you trust that someone else (the Master/Top), it can be quite a rush! The bottom/submissive is also relieved of a lot of responsibility — he’s not in a position to make many decisions. The result is often a whole new experience which opens new doors.

Some like to get tied up because they enjoy giving up control and it’s a great way to submit to someone else. Others might crave intensity and bondage is the foundation for other, more intense kinds of play (i.e. tickling, prolonged arousal or BDSM). Say a guy finds tickling erotic. He can be taken much further if he’s unable to get away or defend himself while in bondage.

Bondage is also, frankly, a way to spice up an otherwise boring sex life. It’s something different like going skydiving instead of watching television. It’s generally not something you’re going to do more than a couple of times a week.

For many guys, the knowledge that they are helpless, that someone else can do things with their body and they can’t prevent them, is a powerful turn-on. "I’m going to make you come and there’s nothing you can do about it." It’s a very strong statement of trust to let someone bind you helplessly, or even non-helplessly. How erotic, to feel yourself spread open, wanton and wet, and to see your lover kneeling between your legs, ready to use you for his pleasure — or to pleasure you unendurably.

For others, the simple sensation of bondage feels good. Tight constriction can create very intense stimulation, and lots of tight bondage can be a sensory trip, just as a whipping or flogging scene can be. Bondage can feel comforting and pleasantly confining — you don’t need to worry about anything, since what can you do?

For yet others, it’s a charge to struggle, to let your body lose control. It can really intensify an orgasm when you come with every muscle straining against your bonds, trying to get your hands free to smash your lover’s face into your crotch, your body shaking. If you weren’t tied down you’d hurt yourself!

For many, it’s all three of these reasons.

 

A Simple Bondage Example

1. Start naked, then add

2. Cock & Ball sheath

3. Chaps

4. Leather Straightjacket

5. Finish with a head harness with blindfold & gag

6. Then let him enjoy his bondage

Anyway, there are a bunch of common-sense things to know about if you want to get into bondage. Most of these are pretty obvious!

Rule #1 is always think about what you are doing and the ramifications before you do it!

For Tops:

Be competent, confident and decisive about what you are doing. Be familiar with your tools and technique. Of course there will be occasions when you are using something for the first time on someone else but try to keep the number of new things you introduce to a minimum and do as much as you can to familiarize yourself with the technique or item first. Fumbling too much with bondage is boring and isn’t going to inspire confidence in you. Be aware of what you want to achieve and avoid unintended effects. Make sure things aren’t pinching where they’re not supposed to, for example. Think about what you are doing in the context of the whole scene. If the kind of bondage you use prevents a certain activity you may want to engage in later on, you’ll either have to avoid that activity or interrupt the scene to remove or modify the bondage. Use only as much bondage as is necessary in the particular scene. Don’t waste time and energy doing things that aren’t appreciated. Make sure you know how to remove the bondage before you put it on. This isn’t only important for safety but also helps the smooth running of the scene. Make sure the bondage is strong and secure enough for the job in hand, even if safety doesn’t depend on it — bondage breaking or coming undone in the middle of a scene is one of the most irritating distractions!

Make sure your bottom’s extremities don’t start getting cold or turning blue; those are both sure signs that blood isn’t flowing the way it ought to, and that isn’t what you want to have happen. If your bottom’s hands are bound inside mittens or some other place that’s not accessible to you, ask them to wiggle their fingers or toes or whatever and see if they’re losing any feeling. It can be tricky to tie someone up without making it too tight; in general, a good rule is to tie loosely with lots of turns of rope. You can tighten such a tie with just another turn around all the rest, and it can be a real drag to have a bottom’s foot fall asleep in the middle of a scene; this kind of thing can feel very annoying and distracting, and can make it hard for your bottom to concentrate on what you are making them feel. Silk scarves, bandannas, etc. also have this problem with tightening under tension; sometimes they get so tight they have to be cut off.

And for bottoms:

Be especially clear about the kind of bondage you want and expect, and honest about how much you struggle and attempt to escape and how much you want that to be prevented. Remember it’s not always easy for tops to know how the bondage feels, and don’t be afraid to alert them to potential problems, such as pinched skin or unexpected discomfort, as soon as you notice them: if that chafing buckle is irritating you now, don’t kid yourself it will get better, because the opposite is more likely to be true, and interrupting the scene at a later stage will be much more frustrating for both of you.

If you’re a novice, you may want to avoid these hassles by purchasing a pair of basic ankle and wrist cuffs (in leather, Velcro, or whatever) at an adult toy store; and if you get embarrassed, remember the old standby excuse: "It’s a gag wedding gift!" Handcuffs are sexy, but they can also be a pain. Shoddy cuffs (the kind you buy at the sporting goods store) are liable to break while being worn — then you have to file them off. If you want to play with handcuffs, get a good quality pair; the usual brand is Peerless, and they’ll cost about $70, with a double lock so you can snap them on and then lock them so they won’t get tighter under pressure (as cheap cuffs will). Handcuffs are also bare metal, and aren’t good to struggle against, as they can easily pinch nerves…padded, buckling bondage cuffs are better for those sorts of games.

Do not leave a bound person alone. Though it is a hot fantasy to tie someone up in some precarious position (possibly with vibrators or other devices buzzing away) and leave them to stew, in reality you must consider: what if the house is burglarized? Catches on fire? Earthquake? Any sort of emergency? Fun is fun, but a helpless person is just that — helpless. A willing partner is too precious to take risks with.

Be very careful about tying anything around the neck; anything that puts any pressure AT ALL on the front of the neck can lead to unconsciousness quickly, as the carotid arteries go right to the brain. Likewise be careful with gags or things tied in the mouth; as well as restricting breathing, they can trigger a gag reflex, which could be really nasty if the bottom can’t get the gag out.

Also, be aware that if someone is standing for any length of time in any sort of tight bondage, it can lead to less circulation to their head; if you suddenly do something intense to that person, it may trigger a head rush which could easily result in a faint. Always use hooks which can be released instantly even with the bottom’s full weight on them (these are sometimes called "panic snaps" and can be found in good hardware stores), and keep a pair of bandage scissors or knife handy in case ropes or straps need to be cut loose.

Be careful what you tie your bottom to; if an exposed water pipe is handy, be aware it may heat up. Likewise with candles; be careful when you’re waving flame around someone who’s bound, as they can’t flinch the way unbound guys can. If you don’t have anything handy to tie someone to, you can always tie their wrists behind their back and then to their waist. Or if your bed doesn’t have any posts, you can wrap ropes around the legs of the bed and spread-eagle your bottom that way.

In general, there are a million ways to tie someone up, and a little practice on your bottom, or on yourself, will let you improvise in almost any situation.

Remember, the object is for both partners to have fun and enjoy!

 

We all want love, but if we’d only practice the common sense rules that our parents should have taught us. Just because it’s sex doesn’t mean that one can dispense with reason or with manners. In any case, here’s what you should have already learned, since there are a number of unscrupulous would-be Tops/Masters and bottoms/slaves out there:

1. You’re peers (regardless of the intended role, i.e. Top/Master or bottom/slave) until you make a commitment. I don’t care how much of a slave you want to be, you and your prospective partners are equals in every sense of the word. He has no control over your actions until you have made a rational decision to give him control. If they insist on an action you have every right to say "No." If they assert authority, either from the top or the bottom, you have every right to reject it. Prior to commitment, neither of you is Top/Master or bottom/slave. Top/Master and bottom/slave has to do with sex, not with negotiation.

2. Ask for references. I mean it. Tell your prospect playmate you want names and phone numbers of people whom you can call to verify his or her play-worthiness. If a stranger has no references, he’s too strange to play with.

3. Safe, sane and consensual is a mutual obligation. A friend once went home from a scene with a left wrist that was numb and it stayed numb for several days. In a macho moment he failed to tell the Top/Master that the wrist-restraints were constricting the flow of blood to his hands. One might say that the Top/Master should have checked but he didn’t. And, my friend was just as much at fault for not making the Top/Master aware of the situation.

   NOTE: If one partner attempts to have unsafe sex, for instance, the other, even if he is as slavish as they come, has the right, even the responsibility, to refuse to participate.

4. You have a right to know some things. You’re going to be spending time with this person and, if things work out, entering into a long term relationship, even if it is only as friends or just playmates. The amount of information allowed is based on the level of negotiations. Early on, you need less information. Later, as you come closer to meeting, more is appropriate. Sometime before moving in, a lot of information, and I mean a lot, is perfectly acceptable. Otherwise, get to know each other very well before you have regrets over your actions or decisions.

   So early on, you ought to know the person’s name and phone number. If they withhold such details, end the conversation, or at least make it clear that you will never meet. People who hide their identities are doing it for reasons that make meeting them unwise.

   I know there are lots of guys out there cheating on their significant others or so far in the closet that they’re behind the back wall. I’m not for outing others but I am for HONESTY. Face it, those who can’t even tell you their name and give you a phone number where you can reach them have some very serious issues that ought to be resolved before you get involved with them.

   Once you get past the name, topics such as health and limits become important! Especially if you ever want to get into a sexual encounter.

   Really though, limits are limits and as such aren’t anywhere near as important as the trust factor. After all, setting limits has no meaning whatsoever if you can’t trust that your playmate will stay within those limits. Just because a person says they’re "safe, sane, and consensual" is no reason to think that they are. Getting to know them as an individual is a much better indication of how trustworthy they are.

   If they say they’re "safe, sane, and consensual", ask them what it means. How well they explain themselves will tell you a great deal.

   If, after you get past the easy questions, you think that the conversation is going someplace, you ought to begin thinking about the hard questions. Information about family ties, income, career, and the future, both long-term and near, is important if this is going to be more than just a one night or weekend encounter.

   I will agree that you don’t need to see a person’s personal balance sheet before you have sex with them, but you certainly should have some idea of what it looks like before you, as a slave, turn your assets over to them or, as a Master, you take responsibility for their livelihood. I think the point is made.

5. No commitment is immutable. This is the hard one. Once upon a time (or so we think) people made commitments "until death do us part." Any genealogist will tell you, though, that those commitments were ended much more often and a lot sooner than any priest is about to admit. Sure there were fewer divorces 100 years ago, but there were a great many more marriages ended by early death or straight out desertion.

   People change. People will always change. As each of us changes we need to be conscious of our need to redefine our relationships in appropriate terms. I would like to emphasize that those changes can be for the better.

   I am writing this "rule" mostly for those who think that what they promised in the blush of early infatuation will hold forever. It won’t, since it may no longer be appropriate two or three years later. Slaves who think they have no choice once they become a "slave" are sadly mistaken. Every morning each of us decides how we will live that day. A slave isn’t a slave in the strict sense of the term. He is in a condition of voluntary servitude. No amount of will exercised by either party in such a relationship can ever eliminate the voluntary part of the relationship.

6. You have a right to equality of information. What that stranger asks you, you have every right to ask him. It’s the power freaks of the world who want to control you by keeping you in the dark. I’ll grant you that there are many people and institutions that are run by the mushroom model of management (Keep them in the dark and feed them horse shit.) but that is no way to conduct a relationship — especially a BDSM relationship!

7. You cannot abrogate your personal responsibilities. I don’t care how submissive you are. The preceding sentence is always true and it applies to both Tops/Masters and bottoms/slaves. Just because a Top/Master or bottom/slave says it’s all right doesn’t make it so.

8. Neutral spaces are always acceptable. Let that first meeting with a stranger be well protected by a public venue. Meet for coffee or buy him a drink at a local bar. Parks, libraries, and shopping malls are all places to meet, greet, and size each other up.

If your relationship is going to go anywhere, you don’t have to rush into it. Take your time, go easy, and have fun. After all, it’s OK to talk to strangers, even to take candy from them. Just use some common sense when you do.

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The points listed below relate to any first time meeting between a Top/Master and a bottom/slave and how things should interact and be carried out. I admit that this is my personal opinion and opinions of others may be different. However, this is based on my vast years of experience (school of hard knocks) and how I have seen things played out. Always take things at a pace you are comfortable with and be cautious.

• Always meet in a public place. Do not go back to a private place until you’ve assured yourself that this is someone that you feel safe being alone with. This may not be on the first meeting or any one after it. But if the other person is worthwhile and knows the score, then they will be willing to wait out the time. If they’re not, then don’t worry about it.

• Talk with them and get to know the person first. Find out their interests, get their phone number and that such information. If they’re unwilling to give that information to you before doing a scene with them, walk away.

• If you are meeting someone from/off the Internet, the first weekend should be a BDSM free weekend. If you both consent, vanilla sex is fine, but keep it BDSM free. The reason for this is to make sure that any chemistry you possessed on-line is still there in person and to insure that you’ve not taken into your home a very suave axe-murderer. One thing I’m sure a submissive doesn’t want to experience is to be tied up and then to find that the person you’re with is psychotic and needs to be committed.

• Always make sure the Trust issue is there. If you don’t feel you can trust this person, then don’t do anything with them. Everything in BDSM comes back down to Trust. If that is not present, then you have what comes down to a very dangerous situation.

• If, for some reason, you do decide to do a scene with someone early into things, be sure that the scene is fully negotiated and that it is light in nature. I would not suggest any bondage the first time just to give the submissive the ability to pull out of things at any point. And always — always have safe words in place. And that holds true for any BDSM scene, even if it’s someone that you’ve been playing with for years.

The primary "rule" is: STOP AND THINK BEFORE YOU LEAP OR ACT.

Slave Safety — advice from one slave to his brothers:

1. Until you agree to submit, you are in control of what you do. Every Man you come across who says He is a Master deserves appropriate respect and deference. But simply because He says He is a Master does not mean you owe Him submission. Your submission is a gift. You choose Who to give it to. And until you choose to give it to a Man, you remain in control and should exercise that control — but always with respect and deference.

2. Never meet a Master for a session of service or s/m play before first meeting to talk. Remember what they say about bars? That the closer to closing time it gets, the better everyone looks? Keep this in mind also when you’re online. Everyone can look good online. Everyone can say the right things, type the proper words. Enjoy cyber — but know it is only cyber until you meet.

   If you have spent extensive time with Him online or on the phone and feel okay with Him, you might consider that to be the meeting. But it still remains best to meet first in person — preferably in a neutral place, like a restaurant. Show Him respect and deference, but until you choose to submit, you remain in control of yourself even if you are at His place. Until you choose to give Him this control, His requests for you to undress, sit on the floor, or whatever, no matter the tone in His voice, are merely requests, not orders, until you accept them as such.

3. It is best not to plan or expect a session at this first meeting. Let it be just a meeting to find out if the two of you click and want to continue. This is a good test of the sincerity of the Master. Almost all will tell you They want an ongoing thing. If this is true, and if They really want you, then there is no hurry. You can meet first…and plan to have the session the next day, if you want.

4. Be totally and completely honest with potential Masters about what you seek, what your experience level is, what you fear, what you crave, and what your limits are. Your ego and your desire to not disappoint a potential Master may make you want to exaggerate. But it does no one any good if you tell a Master you can take a bullwhip when you have never even been flogged hard.

   A good Master is not as concerned with how intensely you can play as with whether you genuinely want to play. Good Masters are looking for reactions and potential for growth. If They get a good reaction out of a slow, light flogging, They are as satisfied as when They get a good reaction out of a full-force bullwhipping. Well, maybe not as satisfied, but satisfied enough!

   And never say you can take anything. You may find your forehead branded before the night is out.

5. Be totally honest with yourself about what you seek. There is an undercurrent in the leather community that a hierarchy exists among submissives. According to this "common wisdom," it is better to be 24/7 than part time, it is better to be a slave than a boy, and so on. Don’t fall into this trap.

   What is best for you is whatever meets your specific desires and needs. To be a man who submits only in sessions because this is all he needs is as valid and as good as being a man who submits to the complete control of a Master on a 24/7 basis because that is what he needs. Don’t let anyone, fellow submissive or Master, try to make you into something you do not need or want to be.

6. Follow your gut feeling about the Master. Even if your head cannot come up with specific reasons not to trust the Man, if your gut is sending up any sort of red flags, listen to it. If you find you are talking yourself into submission to a specific Master, then He is not the One for you. At the same time, learn to recognize the difference between fear of giving up control, which is good and exciting, and uncertainty about a particular Man’s trustworthiness. Most of the Men you meet will be trustworthy and not a problem. But a few will not be.

7. When you meet with the Master, do as much interviewing as He does — but do it respectfully, of course. What are you trying to find out about Him? Several things. Does He respect you as a man? Does He respect you as a slave? Will He respect your limits? Does He understand your level of experience, and will He work with it? Does He have experience or skills in the type of activity He wants to do, or is He just off on some fantasy trip? Do you like this Man as a person?

   And, not unimportant, do you find this Man attractive either physically, personally, or because He has something to teach You? (Not every Master has to be a physical fantasy trip. Some may not be but are still well worth submitting to because you will learn a lot and They can give you exactly what you need.)

8. One major thing to look for is whether the Master is concerned about your needs and desires, about what you want to get out of this. If there is little discussion about your needs — if all the talk is about His needs — He is probably not the Man you want for a long-term situation, though He may be great for a quick session focused totally and completely on His desires. If you pick a Man like this to submit to, realize that you will probably need to take care of your own emotional and physical satisfaction. He is not going to give it to you.

9. Never go to a first meeting or session (or even a second or third) thinking that this Master may be good for a long-term relationship or for total control outside of when You are together. You are very likely to find yourself hurt and disappointed if you do. Full or 24/7 control develops over a long period of time — it is not created out of thin air.

10. When considering a Master for long-term or total control outside of sessions, look at the total Man. You are going to spend a lot of time with this Man outside of sessions. Do you like Him that much? Can you deal with all His idiosyncrasies, bad habits, insecurities, and personal baggage on a continuing basis? And if you think He doesn’t have any of that stuff, then you have just not seen it. And if you have not seen it, then you do not know Him well enough for such a commitment.

11. Limits. Have two sets: temporary ones, which you decide when to lift, and permanent ones, which always remain in place. You need to decide what belongs in each set. To help you understand the difference, here are the limits i used to use — and still do if my Master wants me to hunt for outside experiences:

    Permanent — Safe sex. No scat. No blood. No drugs. Nothing illegal. No permanent damage physically, professionally, personally, or emotionally.

    Temporary — Meet first. No total bondage; either legs or arms must be free at all times. (Yes, I want to be able to kick Him in the balls if I need to — or fight back some other way.) No blindfolds. No gags. Safeword. (We’ll talk about safewords below.)

    You are the one who drops these temporary limits — one at a time or all together — as you get comfortable and feel you can trust the Man. You may even decide to drop them in the first session. But use your head, and listen to your gut, in deciding when to drop them, not your cock. If you are still not comfortable enough by the third session with a Master to drop any of your temporary limits, you probably don’t trust Him enough and shouldn’t see Him again.

    (Having said all this, i must add that all limits, even permanent ones, go away if you are owned — and owned for a long time! Once the trust is total, there is no need for any limits. But you still choose when the permanent ones go away, not your Master.)

12. Try to get references on a particular Master before you commit to any sort of a session. Leather clubs and organizations are good for this, as are friends and people you talk to online. A good reference from another bottom is better than any sort of assurance from the Master Himself.

    What to do if you get a bad reference? Don’t automatically reject the Master. Find out why the reference is bad. It could easily be that the two men simply did not click, or that the Master’s interests did not correspond with the slave’s. This can happen between any two men and is not a sign that either one is untrustworthy or bad in some way. A disregard for safewords, however, or otherwise ignoring limits are good reasons to call it off.

13. When you have your first session with a Master, no matter how well you think you have gotten to know Him, you need to protect yourself in case you have made a bad judgment call. There are many ways to do this. One of the most common is to tell a friend where you are going, the Master’s name, and the address and phone number of where you will be, assuming you have these. Give your friend a time when you will call him to verify that you are okay. Tell him that if he does not hear from you by that time, he should take action to find you.

    Make sure, though, that you give enough leeway in the timing so that the Master does not have cops knocking down His door because you thought the session would end at midnight and He was just getting going at that point! Also, make sure you do call the friend if you are all right, even if it is from the Master’s home. Let the Master know you have made this arrangement and when your friend is expecting to hear from you. A good Master will not be offended and will make sure you can place the call.

14. Safewords. Everyone talks about them. Almost every Master says He will respect them. But do not assume that because a Man says He will respect them that He will do so in the heat of a session. Respecting safewords is an easy promise to make — and an even easier one to break. Accepting a Master’s assurance that He will respect a safeword is like assuming the white line in the street will automatically stop every car the moment you walk into the crosswalk. Most Masters do respect safewords, but some do not. Build some trust in a Master first before accepting His assurances at face value.

    Here’s a test you can use in the first couple of sessions. When you’re in a difficult position or undergoing some heavy action, make noises indicating it is getting very hard to take and that you need something changed. See what He does. An immediate response from Him is not necessary — He may want to see how far you can go. But a timely response to your distress should be forthcoming. If it is not, don’t assume He will listen to a safe word.

15. When you are talking with a Master online or meeting Him in a bar or elsewhere for the first time, know that you are both doing a seduction dance with each other. And if you both play your roles correctly, you will both get turned on.

    Being seduced and turned on is a good thing, but recognize it for what it is. You are both looking for the buttons that the other reacts to, and once you find them, you are both pushing them to get the reactions you want — He in taking control and you in submitting. But seduction is not real life, just a part of it. Wait until you get to know the Man in real life before deciding He is the One you really want to submit to.

16. Play the field. You’ll need to kiss a lot of frogs before finding your Prince. One mistake many slaves — especially those who are just "coming out" — make is to jump into serving a single Master exclusively and totally before they have figured out what it is they want and need. Resist this temptation, no matter how hard your dick gets or how fast your heart beats when you first hear a Master speak the words you have only heard in your fantasies before.

    Any Master worth His salt is going to be able to get you excited and eager to serve. That doesn’t necessarily mean He is the one to latch onto full time. It just means that while You were together, you clicked. Get lots of experience. Compare the styles and characters of many Masters. Learn from each of them. Learn about Masters and, more important, about yourself and what it is you really seek from your submission. Once you have learned enough, especially about your own needs, then you can consider Someone as a full-time Master.

17. Recognize that a Master without a boy is often as desperate as a boy without a Master. They, too, are human, and They like to have someone They can depend on to play with and be with anytime They want. Plus, Masters generally have good-size egos and like to be able to impress other Masters by saying, "I own a boy" — or more than one.

    Because of this, you may get a lot of pressure to make a full-time commitment or to go into full-time training at an early stage of your acquaintance with a Master. Resist this. Do not do it until you are sure that He is the Man you want in this role. Indeed, one sign of a really good Master is that He may offer you a position with Him without pressuring you in any way to make a quick decision. Such a Man understands how tentative and unsure of themselves many unowned slaves are and has enough confidence in Himself not to need a trophy.

18. Do not assume that in the early stages of getting to know a Master that He will feel the same toward you as you feel toward Him. It is very hard for a male to open himself up and become vulnerable to someone else, but this is exactly what we slaves do when we submit to a Master. Doing so provides an amazing sense of relief and satisfaction, and we feel a strong bond with the Man Who has seen us become so open and vulnerable. We feel close to Him and want to be with Him.

    But, at least in an early session, the Master does not do the same: He does not lay Himself bare to you just because He plays with you. While He may like you, may have enjoyed the session, and may want to see you again, don’t assume He is feeling the same strong bond with you that you feel with Him. Over time, if you and He develop an ongoing relationship, He will feel this way. But not at first.

19. Do not mistake this bond you are feeling for love. This is why so many slaves decide, after only a couple of weeks, that they have found the Master they have sought for so long. Then they are hurt and disappointed when, a few weeks later, it doesn’t work out. Don’t make this mistake.

    Since it is seldom that any of us experience real love in life, we may not know what love really feels like even though we seek it so desperately. As noted above, once you have laid yourself bare in a session, given that much control and submission to another Man, you are going to feel very close to Him. But this is not love. It is simply openness and a bond beginning to form. Enjoy the bond. But remember that real love means you know the Man well — not just the Master but the whole Man — and that you accept Him for what He is, warts and all.

20. Finally, remember that this is all supposed to be fun and satisfying. If it is not, if you find that the Master is causing you to be upset, worried, guilty, whatever — if you are not having fun or being satisfied — then don’t play with Him. Find someone else. Too many boys take this all much too seriously and never really enjoy the hunt, never really enjoy the sex, never really enjoy the submission, never really enjoy being conquered by a Master, never really enjoy any of it. They work too hard and are too desperate.

Go out, enjoy, and have fun. It’s the only reason to do this.

Algolagnia, from the Greek, is the psychological term to describe Love of pain, or "pain given in love"…

The Endorphin-kick

During sadomasochism activities the human body makes endorphins, or more exact Beta-endorphins, a chemical produced naturally by the body. Endorphins are neurotransmitters, chemicals which are directly involved in the brain’s electrochemical workings and involved in regulating the perception of pain. The name is derived from "endo-" meaning internal, and the name of the drug morphine — endorphins are chemically similar to opiates. The detached euphoria is what is sought after by the submissive/slave/boy and enjoyed as a result of pain derive from the release of these endorphins.

The methodical application of pain can move the pain threshold higher, enabling the submissive/slave/boy to tolerate higher levels of pain, thereby receiving the benefits of higher endorphin levels which leads to the submissive/slave/boys pleasure. The pain will not always seem to increase, even though the physical trauma upon the body does. This is because as endorphin levels rise, the pain becomes deadened.

In order to stimulate the release of endorphins, the experienced Master will gradually increase the pain level/intensity until it nears the submissive/slave/boys pain threshold. After reaching the threshold, the experienced Master will lower the intensity and allow the endorphins which the pain released to work their magic, nullifying the pain. When the Master once again begins to increase the pain, the endorphins which the previous cycle released allow the submissive/slave/boy to tolerate a higher level of pain. The now higher level of pain releases even more endorphins, and the cycle begins again until the submissive/slave/boy finds utopia.

Sometimes the pain threshold will hit a plateau, refusing to rise further. If this happens, a complete break in activity for a few moments, a few minutes or longer is in order. Every submissive/slave/boy has a certain point beyond which even the best technique cannot take them. This point can vary from day to day.

Some people use poppers, the common name for amyl (or alkyl, butyl or propyl) nitrite, also known as aromas. These are volatile compounds whose vapors cause temporarily increased heart and breathing rates, muscle relaxation and a characteristic "rushing" feeling in the head and are often used as disinhibitor, muscle relaxant and means of raising the pain threshold. There are dangers associated with their use. It should be noted that we do not endorse the use of aromas. However, there are those that do use, or require the use of aromas or enhancements, so you should be aware of them.

Pleasure And Its Relationship With Pain

There are two very different aspects to the relationship between pleasure and pain; one of them is mental and the other is physical. This is why we can easily notice the extreme difference between the people that like to bottom (pure masochists) and submissive/slave/boys who can delve in pain only as long as it comes from somebody they are deeply involved with emotionally. (the typical "I don’t like that, but I’ll do it for you")

This difference, then, comes from the mental/physical duality of the relationship between pleasure and pain, and from the ability of the brain to transform what we feel into anything it wants to transform it to, so long as it wants it hard/bad enough. This ability can be nurtured by a Master if he knows and understands how the brain works. This is a big part of what many of us define as "training the submissive/slave/boy".

What Our Nerves Call Pleasure And Pain

Our skin is covered with nerve endings that transmit information to the brain; this starts with the contact of our nerves with the environment and creates electrical impulses that then travel through the nervous system to our brain. Now, these electrical impulses are, for obvious reasons, very lightly charged, which means that the information they can carry is limited, and it’s up to the brain to interpret what it means and how to react to the stimuli. As it happens, the nerves that sense pleasure and the nerves that sense pain are the same, and the signals they send when feeling one or the other are very similar, the difference being the intensity of the signal. That’s one of the reasons why a slow change in temperature is felt much less than a fast change. As it is proven every time you work around the kitchen, if the temperature increase is slow enough, your nerves can be fooled into never raising the alarm.

The difference between pleasure and pain then is the intensity of the electrical signal sent by the nerves to the brain. The nerves can be fooled into not raising the "pain!" alarm if the circumstances are appropriate…and if we manipulate the circumstances so they become appropriate, we can manage to fool the nervous system…and make it recognize pain as pleasure (and even pleasure as pain, if we wish to do that). An easy way to recognize this phenomena is to watch your submissive/significant other when having sex with him…if you stimulate his cock long enough, he’ll cum…but if you keep stimulating it, at some point in time (for some sooner and for others later), he’ll feel pain instead of pleasure (strange but true).

Another important physical factor in the pleasure/pain equation is the protein called endorphin (discussed somewhat above) that ends up putting the submissive/slave/boy in subspace. This protein is defined as "any of a group of opiate proteins with pain-relieving properties that are found naturally in the brain. The main substances identified as endorphins include the enkephalins, beta-endorphin, and dynorphin, which were discovered in the 1970s by Roger Guillemin and other researchers. Endorphins are distributed in characteristic patterns throughout the nervous system, with beta-endorphin found almost entirely in the pituitary gland" according to the Encyclopedia Britannica.

These proteins get released into the bloodstream under several circumstances (I actually found an article that talks about runners getting "addicted" to endorphins released during long jogging sessions) and BDSM activities seem to be among them. On the part of the Master it seems easy to understand, since he’s the one that generally does the most exercise during a scene, but it is actually in the submissive/slave/boy where we see the effects of this opiate-like group of proteins the most. The brain seems to release endorphins (especially beta-endorphins) during a scene when the pain is increased in a slow and steady way, and we notice it in the submissive/slave/boy by several signs. First of all, his reactions seem to be slower than usual, his speech blurs a bit and his reaction to whatever toy we are using on him is less than it was when we started. This ends up with the submissive/slave/boy going into what we call "subspace" or utopia state…which can be, in many ways, defined as an endorphin high or endorphin-kick.

Once we realize that pleasure and pain are tightly intertwined in the brain, we can start to think about ways to modify the response to those stimuli, making the pain threshold move higher, so the pleasure threshold is bigger. Each submissive/slave/boy will react differently to this, and the results vary wildly…but it can be done, with enough patience and practice.

What Your Mind Calls Pleasure And Pain

OK, so the body can be fooled into turning pain into pleasure and vice-versa…but that will only take you so far. The mind, as we said, has a lot to do with this also, and proper training can help us push the envelope of this even more. A "painslut" is not just somebody whose body has been fooled so often that it thinks it’s the way it is…his mind has to be tuned into the scene also, which will help us when we try to bring him into subspace.

I think all experienced Masters will agree that a submissive, even a "painslut", is not always ready for the same amount of pain. The main (but not the only) reason for this difference between scenes is the mind. The degree of participation and preparation of the mind for the scene has a lot to do with the level of pain he will be able to turn into pleasure. Recognizing this is important, both for the fun of the scene and, the most important, for the well being of the submissive/slave/boy.

The mind has to be tuned into the scene as slowly and carefully as the body, otherwise the reactions of the submissive/slave/boy will not be the ones the Master expects. The real deal here is, that if the mind isn’t cooperating with the scene, the brain will not release the endorphins necessary for the submissive/slave/boy to be able to take the amount of pain the Master is delivering. As I’ve said, if the body and mind don’t work together, the brain will not be able to process the pain as a form or pleasure.

There are several different approaches to getting the brain involved in the scene, from ritualistic to circumstantial (who hasn’t felt the perfect click when scheming, coming from something we can’t even vocalize?) and we have to learn how to recognize this and be prepared to use it in our favor.

Also, as part of the mind participation, comes the submissive/slave/boy’s expectations and experiences. If a submissive/slave/boy has had a bad time with, for example, a paddle, he will have a hard time turning a paddling into a pleasurable experience. Knowing and understanding these "mental scars" is of extreme importance in the Master’s journey with his submissive/slave/boy…when the Master ignores this, he is setting himself up for a very ugly time/scene. That is one of the many reasons that it is so very important for the Master to always talk with his submissive/slave/boy/masochist, whatever, before introducing anything new in a scene, so both know what they are getting into and both will enjoy the benefit of the scene.

Well, now that you sort of have the basics of how pleasure and pain are dealt with by the body and the mind, you can start thinking about *how* to use this so that you can start expanding your limits of enjoyment.

Take a risk. Play. Explore. Learn. Enjoy!